In the context of Emotional Intelligence, Social Awareness has been defined as the ability to understand the feelings and needs of others. However, I am redefining it to: the art of seeking out information and understanding what other people think, feel, and do.

The waitress who voluntarily suggests a better dish, the salesperson who tries to understand why certain colors are important to you, the supportive manager who stops by to talk with you when he/she notices that you had a hard time speaking at a recent meeting, and the colleague who asks you to clarify what you said during a previous conversation each of these individuals have one thing in common: They exhibit strong social awareness skills.

Three of the most important social awareness skills in the context of a relationship are:

1. Paying attention to words and behaviors: It is important to pay attention to your partner’s speech and actions or reactions. In particular, notice what your partner says about his/her experiences, needs, desires, feelings, hopes and dreams, as well as his/her relationship with other people. In order to be able to truly listen, it is helpful to practice quieting your mind and focusing solely on what your partner is saying. Observe his/her interactions with you as well as with others so that you can understand how he/she interacts with the world in different situations.

It is important that you do all of this without judgment. Social awareness is not about agreeing with another person’s thoughts or actions but about understanding them. Your goal is simply to listen and observe, and to try to understand who he/she is, his/her preferences and struggles. In order to create an incentive for your partner to be forthcoming with his/her thoughts, after you have a solid understanding of what he/she said, you must acknowledge that you heard it and explain exactly what you heard. This in turn will allow your partner to clarify what he/she feels was not clear. You can also validate your partner’s efforts when trying to accomplish something and ask for clarification when you find his/her behavior confusing.

2. Unmasking true feelings: People don’t always express their true feelings directly. Some feelings are hard to accept or express (i.e., sadness, embarrassment), so people often pretend that they don’t feel them at all, or express feelings that mask what they truly feel. For example, if your partner is sad about your decision to move to another city, he/she may express anger instead. Or if he/she is embarrassed about being fired from a job, he/she may tell you that he/he is glad that the job has ended. So pay attention to:

• Contradictory statements. For example, he/she may say I am OK with you leaving, but then add why do you have to go? If you find inconsistencies in your partner’s words, inquire further and attempt to address his/her real feelings.

• Behaviors that suggest the presence of particular feelings. After you tell your partner that you are planning to leave, he/she may act distant, angry, or even look sad but state that he/he does not care. If your partners’ behavior does not match his/her words, you must also inquire further in order to address the true feelings.

3. Feeling and showing Empathy: Empathy involves understanding the feelings and overall viewpoint of the other person and seeing things from their perspective. (Empathy differs from sympathy, which means feeling sorry for others and their predicament.) Feeling empathy is essential in a relationship and it is often a difficult skill to master because it involves accepting that the other person’s perspective may be different than yours. Practice withholding judgment and seeing things from your partner’s perspective. Showing empathy is as important as feeling it. Your partner will not trust you if you cannot show empathy, so find opportunities to communicate an understanding of their feelings and reactions. You will be highly rewarded in those relationships if you do.

How these three social awareness skills improve

Relationship Management

Having social awareness skills allows you to:

1. Identify early on in a relationship, the types of traits and behaviors that you are seeking for in a partner.
2. Detect traits and behaviors in a potential partner that may not be what you are looking for as well as be potentially harmful or dangerous to you.
3. Understand what has shaped your partner’s traits and behaviors.
4. Evaluate the quality of your partner’s relationships with other people, and understand how other people view him/her.
5. Be more responsive to your partner’s needs.
6. Anticipate what will make your partner happy or unhappy.
7. Be perceived by your partner as someone who shows interest in him/her and is considerate of his/her needs.
8. Avoid unnecessary arguments.
9. Understand your partner’s hidden feelings.
10. Help your partner process difficult feelings and manage difficult situations.

Your comments are very important to me and help me guide future article choices. Please share your thoughts with me! You can comment below, or on my Facebook page. I will read all of your comments and make every effort to address your questions, struggles and concerns in future articles. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Author Georgiana Spradling, Ph.D., MFT, CDVC, is a multicultural and multilingual (English, Spanish, French) Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Coach with over 20 years of experience helping people choose the right partners and avoid the wrong ones, manage emotions and behaviors in self and others, leave unhealthy partnerships and move past old relationships. She is a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor and has a Certificate as an Anger Management Facilitator. Her e-book: Don’t Get Stuck With the Wrong Partner: Learn to detect unhealthy traits and behaviors in others is available on Amazon Kindle at: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VPMHLV8. In it you will find more dating tips:

• 60 questions that will help you determine who your current or potential partner may be.
• 10 dimensions that may reveal inconsistent, unhealthy or harmful patterns of behavior in another person.
• Suggestions on how to interpret inconsistencies in behavior in the person that you are considering committing to.
• Advice on what to do when you find traits and behaviors that make you uncomfortable or that suggest deeply rooted physical or psychological issues that are hard to manage and live with.

You can subscribe to her YouTube Channel at: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxZG9DV7k2pgstKqhFcdYMA and to her online news bulletin “Relationships On Fire” on her website at: www.drgeorgiana.com. Dr. Georgiana coaches on the telephone, online or in her office in San Francisco (USA) and offers a FREE 25-minute consultation. She can be reached through her website: www.drgeorgiana.com, by e-mail: gs@drgeorgiana.com or phone: 1-650-731-5105.