What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
My clients often ask me to define EQ so I thought I’d offer an in-depth explanation here. Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to one’s ability to identify, assess, and control their emotions and the emotions of others. It involves recognizing the meaning of emotions and the ability to reason and problem-solve on the basis of the emotions you recognize.
Emotions play a critical role in the overall quality of our personal and professional lives. This role is more critical than our capacity for logic and reason. Whether we realize it or not, every decision that we make in life is influenced by our emotions, and much of our behavior is driven by either the desire to experience or to avoid certain emotions.
Although EQ is an inborn characteristic, it can be learned and strengthened through systematic practice.
The Four Dimensions of EQ
Self-awareness: I define self-awareness as one’s ability to perceive ones’ emotions accurately. This involves being able to notice physiological changes associated with emotional arousal, nonverbal signals (such as body language and facial expressions), the type and intensity of the emotion that we are feeling, and emotional triggers (the stimuli or events, as well as thoughts that trigger our emotional reactions). It also involves being aware of behaviors that may suggest the presence of or help generate certain emotions.
Self-management: To me, self-management is defined as one’s ability to manage his or her emotions and behaviors. This involves regulating one’s emotions and responding appropriately (with the right emotion and emotional intensity, as well as with the appropriate behavior) to life circumstances. This includes the emotions and behaviors of others.
Social awareness: If you have the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others then you have a keen and developed sense of social awareness. This trait involves recognizing the emotional signals of others (body language, verbal cues, intentional and unintentional behaviors) and assessing accurately what they mean. The emotions that we perceive in others can carry a wide variety of meanings, which we must interpret accurately. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might be because he is dissatisfied with your work, because he got a speeding ticket on his way to work that morning, or because he had an argument with his wife.
Relationship management: I define relationship management as the ability to manage the emotions and emotional reactions of others and this is the fourth dimension of emotional intelligence. Relationship management involves knowing how to respond to the emotions of others in a way that is empathic, skillful, and sensitive to your needs and theirs. It is not about manipulating others for your own benefit, but about managing the situation in a way that is mutually respectful and satisfying. For example, If your EQ is strong and you are interacting with someone who is angry with you, you would be more likely to acknowledge their anger, use communication and conflict resolution techniques in order to reduce the intensity of their emotion and help to resolve the issue that triggered their anger. Taking this approach would allow you to be clear with that person about the behavior that you are willing and not willing to accept in the future.
Six Ways the Four Dimensions of EQ Impact Your Life
#1: They help you make good decisions
If you understand yourself and others and you are able to manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and the behavior of others, you can create goals that are consistent with who you are and that do not harm your relationships. You can also make decisions that are not shaped by distortions, assumptions, and emotional reactions.
#2: They help you get what you need from others
Understanding yourself (your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, weaknesses, distortions, assumptions, and beliefs) empowers you to explain yourself to others more accurately and therefore help others act in a way that leads you to true happiness.
#3: They help you give others what they really want
Understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings allows you to anticipate what makes them happy, empowering you to give them what they want. Improved understanding and empathy help you to put yourself in their shoes, understanding the needs of those around you. When you understand others and communicate that understanding to them, the people around you are more likely to be happy in their relationship with you.
#4: They facilitate improved physical health
The ability to take care of your body and especially to manage your stress (which has an incredible impact on our overall wellness) is directly linked to your emotional intelligence. By noticing what is going on in your body, being aware of your emotional state and reactions to stress, and by developing skills to manage your emotions and behaviors, you empower yourself to enjoy more predictable and peaceful life experiences. This will lead to better overall physical health.
#5. They facilitate improved mental health
High emotional intelligence correlates with a positive attitude and a happier outlook on life. Being aware of and being able to manage your emotions and behaviors as well as the behavior of others can make you feel more secure and stable in your life. It can help you alleviate anxiety and avoid depression and mood swings in addition to helping you control addictions and obsessive tendencies.
#6. They help you achieve personal and professional success
EQ is correlated with personal and professional success. High emotional intelligence can be a strong internal motivator, reducing procrastination, increasing self-confidence, and improving your ability to focus on a goal. The four dimensions of EQ can help you improve your support network, overcome setbacks, and persevere through difficult circumstances with a resilient outlook. Your ability to delay gratification and think long-term directly affects your ability to succeed personally and professionally. In the professional arena, the ability to understand what motivates others, to relate in a positive manner, and to build stronger bonds with others can make you a better leader. Effective leaders recognize the needs of his or her staff in order to meet those needs in a way that encourages higher performance and workplace satisfaction. As an emotionally savvy and intelligent leader, you will be able to leverage your heightened empathy, building stronger teams by strategically utilizing the emotional diversity in your staff to the benefit of the whole organization.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Author Georgiana Spradling, Ph.D., MFT, CDVC, is a multicultural and multilingual (English, Spanish, French) Emotional Intelligence and Relationship Coach with over 20 years of experience helping people choose the right partners and avoid the wrong ones, manage emotions and behaviors in self and others, leave unhealthy partnerships and move past old relationships. She is a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor and has a Certificate as an Anger Management Facilitator.
Her e-book: Don’t Get Stuck With the Wrong Partner: Learn to detect unhealthy traits and behaviors in others is available on Amazon Kindle at:http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VPMHLV8. In it you will find more dating tips:
- 60 questions that will help you determine who your current or potential partner may be.
- 10 dimensions that may reveal inconsistent, unhealthy or harmful patterns of behavior in another person.
- Suggestions on how to interpret inconsistencies in behavior in the person that you are considering committing to.
- Advice on what to do when you find traits and behaviors that make you uncomfortable or that suggest deeply rooted physical or psychological issues that are hard to manage and live with.
You can subscribe to her YouTube Channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxZG9DV7k2pgstKqhFcdYMA and to her online news bulletin “Relationships On Fire” on her website at www.drgeorgiana.com.
Dr. Georgiana coaches on the telephone, online or in her office in San Francisco (USA) and offers a FREE 25-minute Consultation. She can be reached through her website: www.drgeorgiana.com, by e-mail: gs@drgeorgiana.com or phone: 1-650-731-5105.