Are there people in your personal or professional life who have traits or behaviors that you consider unhealthy? If so, do you wish you would have known how to spot them sooner.
Welcome to the Dr. Georgiana Relationship Series: “The 14 Types of People To Avoid”. In my previous segment, I pointed out many of the characteristics of a Pathological liar that can bring emotional unrest to your life. In this segment, I am going to discuss The Impulsive individual.
I am presenting this segment in answer to an email I received from Marguerite, from Baltimore, Maryland with the following question:
“Dear Dr. Georgiana:
One of the things that attracted me to my boyfriend George over a year ago was his spontaneity and boldness. I am pretty shy so his personality was very appealing from the beginning. Our first date was a blast. He picked one of the best restaurants in town and said he could get us in without a reservation. He was right . . . at least that time. The problem is that he doesn’t always get it right. In fact, lately I have noticed that he makes a lot of assumptions about people and events that often turn out to be wrong. I like the fact that he is willing to take risks, but I am uncomfortable when the risks could be easily avoided by a little research, planning or thinking. I know he doesn’t earn a lot of money, yet he spends a lot. He buys things that are totally unnecessary just because he feels like it and even though I tell him that I don’t want what he is buying me. Most of the time I don’t need those things and I feel uncomfortable about accepting them. When I asked him about his financial goals recently, he just smiled and said that life needs to be lived on the edge, otherwise it loses interest. He always has an answer for everything and is very quick in judging. He also sometimes says he is going to do something and then forgets he said it. That happens to me too sometimes but I am beginning to get tired of counting on something he says and then getting disappointed when there is no follow through. He has a very active career but I am finding out that he leaves jobs with ease and I am unsure whether he truly quits or gets fired. I noticed that he has a hard time doing what he does not like even when he has to. His mother told me that she was happy that he had found me because he needed a woman with discipline. And his sister mentioned that I am the first woman he has made a long-term commitment to. At this point, I don’t know what to do. Although I like George a lot and admire his kindness and positive attitude, these other behaviors make me feel insecure. I can’t think of a future with him unless I address this issue. Now that I am writing it all down it seems that George has too many negative traits… but I still want your opinion. What should I do?”
Marguerite, you are right. It seems that George’s behavior is absolutely deserving of your concern. You are doubting yourself even though you have all of the evidence in front of you. I fully agree with you on this. George is definitely impulsive and has difficulty in listening to reason.
Impulsivity (or impulsiveness) involves a tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection or consideration of consequences. Impulsive actions typically are poorly conceived, prematurely expressed, unduly risky and inappropriate to the situation. Therefore, they often result in undesirable consequences, which puts in jeopardy long-term goals and strategies for success.
Based on your description, here are nine characteristics of an impulsive person that George presents:
- is very spontaneous
- does not think of consequences
- does not listen to other people’s reasoning
- does not stay at a job very long
- lacks discipline
- does not like to make long-term commitments
- has trouble keeping promises
- gets easily bored or distracted
- seeks thrills
If you were to stay with George for a longer period of time, you would feel like you were on a constant roller coaster ride and that life was unpredictable. You would be afraid to suggest any activities where George could get impulsive, would probably be concerned about having to use your savings to fix the problems he created, and would also be distrustful, depressed, angry for having to continuously set limits with him due to being overwhelmed with the problems he caused and possibly concerned about your well-being and the well-being of your children.
George’s impulsivity could be a direct result of an Attention Deficit, Bipolar or Impulse Control Disorder. It could also be related to drug abuse so you may also have to deal with these issues.
Find out if George is aware of his impulsivity, if he has a Mental health diagnosis and if he is taking any medication. Even if he medicated, it is possible that he will still have some impulsivity for life. After you have this information you will be more prepared to decide if you want to stay with him. Think about how you would feel if George continued to behave in the same way for the rest of your relationship. if you are able to accept it, then work with him to decrease his impulsivity as much as possible. If you cannot tolerate the idea of him being as impulsive as she is, for life, or if he refuses to get some help, then you must reconsider your relationship with him.
Marguerite, I want to thank you for sharing your experience with me and giving me an opportunity to advise you. To everyone following the series, I am honored to be part of your journey to find the right partner. I look forward to sharing future segments with you, connecting in one of my online relationship programs, or having a personalized Relationship Coaching session.
If you have been successful at spotting unhealthy people before they created too much pain in your life, please share your wisdom in the comments’ section below or on my Facebook page. You can see the answer to many of my subscriber’s questions and be notified when I post new articles by signing up to receive my online news bulletin at www.drgeorgiana.com.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Author Georgiana Spradling, Ph.D., MFT, CDVC, is a multicultural and multilingual (English, Spanish, & French) Emotional Intelligence Relationship Coach with over 20 years of experience helping people choose the right partners and avoid the wrong ones, manage emotions and behaviors in self and others, leave unhealthy partnerships, and move past old relationships. She is a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor and has a Certificate as an Anger Management Facilitator. Her e-book: “Don’t Get Stuck with the Wrong Partner: Learn to Detect Unhealthy Traits and Behaviors in Others” is available on the Amazon Kindle. You can subscribe to her videos on the undesirable sides of dating, committed relationships, separation and divorce on her YouTube Page.
Dr. Georgiana coaches on the telephone, online or in her office in San Francisco (USA) and offers a FREE 25-minute Consultation. She can be reached through her website: www.drgeorgiana.com, by e-mail: gs@drgeorgiana.com or phone: 1-650-731-5105.
